i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
