i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
