Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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