Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
