i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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