she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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