It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Congratulations! We have a period
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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