***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
false alarm. still invincible.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
