well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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