the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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