I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
