Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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