I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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