No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
