I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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