she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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