You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Randomize
