we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
