Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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