dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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