I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Randomize
