Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
