Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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