he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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