well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
