I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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