the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
