Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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