shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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