what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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