Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
