3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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