Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
