Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
