This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
