dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
