Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
If I die, sorry about rent.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
