im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
