After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
40s are totally the cure
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
