i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
