dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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