So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
