I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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