sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
