he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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