My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
