I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
