So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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