I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
COCAINE IS GR8
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
