OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
