Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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