I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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